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19th December 2005, 10:09
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Artificial smiles/greetings vs. sincere ones
Artificial smiles/greetings vs. sincere ones
Almost every newcomer to America notices that the way people smile and greet each other in the states seems artificial, contrived, insincere and unnatural. Many even find the typical "How are you?" question to be awkward, because 1) it is nonspecific and vague (even "how is your day" is more specific), 2) it is not even a real question, but a greeting, as you are always expected to reply "I'm fine/great/good, and you?" Any other type of reply ("terrible, not too well, pissed off, like sh**!") is rude and out of line. Therefore the greeting "How are you?" seems to mandate fake optimism, which foreigners find awkward. Not even the British are required to pretend to be happy and positive all the time to that extreme; they are expected to act polite and pleasant to others, but not artificially optimistic and in a great mood all the time. In fact, some countries do not even have the phrase "How are you?" in their basic greetings, such as Poland or Finland. Only close friends in the US are allowed to be honest about their mood to each other, but nowhere is fake optimism and cheerfulness more exuberated than in the American office environment and in large family gatherings. In those settings, one must always revere the "emperor's new clothes" and show fake optimism, cheerfulness, and act as though all were great and going well in life. Otherwise, it feels rude and out of line. In other countries, people are allowed to feel the way they actually do, and show it too. Therefore, their smiles and frowns are always sincere, not contrived or an act. In fact, some backpackers I met in Russia related to me that they found the rudeness and grumpiness of Russian customer service to be "refreshingly honest" for they told it to you like it is, and behaved exactly as they felt on the inside (though I didn't find that refreshing at all). 
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20th December 2005, 22:59
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I firmly believe that birds of a feather flock together. If I constantly find myself surrounded with plastic/fake/insincere people, I have to look in the mirror. We control our environment. And we decide who we should surround ourselves with.
Come to Texas. You'll see what real people are all about.
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20th December 2005, 23:06
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21st December 2005, 02:39
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Interesting. I agree with you and would comment that in England the traditional greeting is "Howdu-yu-do" (like it was one word) That is not a question, that is a greeting - and is replied to by another "Howdu-yu-do".
We are just beginning to take on board the "have a nice day" stuff....from watching too many American movies......:-(  Andrew. Old Reb- I trust you are well. 
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"The world's greatest act of propulsion is a pat on the back" 
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21st December 2005, 05:59
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As I recall, you had an engineering company and heart trouble. They mixed two medicines that almost took your life. I may go to England this summer. My girlfriend is from the Isle of wight. Have you heard from Lilly?
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23rd December 2005, 06:40
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I can see how this can be necessary in an office environment, especially if the work is stressful and people are on edge all the time. Nothing makes people like you more than being able to feel at ease around you and who likes a whiner? When people are stressed, the last thing they need is to come across another stressed out, unhappy person. Happy people make us feel better, unless you're a bitter and envious person. Of course it's best if your smile looks sincere and real
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