Talking to strangers - North America vs. rest of the world

[WWu777]

Talking to strangers - North America vs. the rest of the world

In America and in much of Canada, the social structure is inherently cliquey. What this basically means is that people don't generally talk to strangers, only to people they know, or those in their clique. Anyone there can see it everywhere in public, even in a crowded city street - people minding their own business, ignoring all others, etc. They are either too shy, fearful, or uncomfortable talking to strangers. Others are sociable but don't talk to strangers out of respect for the customs there of not doing so. That's just the norm in such societies. From birth, Americans are taught not to talk to strangers by their parents, instilling a paranoia in them early on.

In such societies, only freaks, weirdos, or drunkards talk to strangers. The only acceptable way to meet people is by breaking into cliques, being introduced through mutual friends, or by joining organizations and participating in activities with them. It's very controlled, strict, rigid, plastic, mechanistic, and tunnel-vision in nature.

Those whose world is limited to the USA think that this is the universal norm and assume that everyone is like that. Well they are dead wrong. On most continents, and in most of the world outside North America, people are comfortable talking to strangers, which they see as normal and nothing to fear. This is true in Russia, Ukraine, most of Europe, South America, Africa, Australia, etc. In such areas of the globe, people talk to strangers as if they already know them. It's natural and normal, so meeting people is effortless and part of the flow, rather than an uphill struggling effort like it is in North America. Therefore, meeting strangers outside North America usually happens anywhere in public, and is the norm rather than the exception.

In Russia, for example, almost everyone talks to strangers without shyness or fear. The ironic thing is that in Russia, with such high petty crime (a way of life for many there), talking to strangers is actually a lot more dangerous than in the USA, but Russians are unparanoid and unshy about it, whereas Americans are shy and uncomfortable talking to strangers yet in their country it's generally very safe to do so.

[andrewblow]

Hello 777.....we haven't talked before, but your comments interest me.

Living in England....and in a small/medium sized town, I can see both sides. In our High Street, where there are many people - we would only acknowledge people we actually know. On the edges of town.....when people are passing and there are few people around, we would always either 'nod', or (if appropriate) say 'Good morning' even to people we have never seen before.

In our large cities, no-one talks to anyone, except friends - and London (say) can be a very lonely place.
However:
On my trips to Moscow, I have not experienced the openess of which you speak. In the morning, the massive apartment blocks around the ring-road just churn out millions of people who rush around like ants to busses, metros, trains, etc.........and no-one even LOOKS at anyone else. I remember when we there in '92 in the heat of summer, we were on the Metro and my wife was in a simple, bright floral dress. Not only were we met with visual hostility, but we were spat at by one old lady leaving the train. We had done absolutely nothing except mind our own business.

This may have changed in 14 years, but it did not leave a good taste in our mouths.

Best wishes,
Andrew

[justoleme]

It is like this.Everybody hates the USA but will not leave.Everybody hates Windows but will not use other operating systems long. It is the> im a victum of a system syndrome<> I got it bad where I am but can not get out,HELP! I am here by my own choice!Somebody save me!

[WWu777]

Originally Posted by andrewblow

Hello 777.....we haven't talked before, but your comments interest me.

Living in England....and in a small/medium sized town, I can see both sides. In our High Street, where there are many people - we would only acknowledge people we actually know. On the edges of town.....when people are passing and there are few people around, we would always either 'nod', or (if appropriate) say 'Good morning' even to people we have never seen before.

In our large cities, no-one talks to anyone, except friends - and London (say) can be a very lonely place.
However:
On my trips to Moscow, I have not experienced the openess of which you speak. In the morning, the massive apartment blocks around the ring-road just churn out millions of people who rush around like ants to busses, metros, trains, etc.........and no-one even LOOKS at anyone else. I remember when we there in '92 in the heat of summer, we were on the Metro and my wife was in a simple, bright floral dress. Not only were we met with visual hostility, but we were spat at by one old lady leaving the train. We had done absolutely nothing except mind our own business.

This may have changed in 14 years, but it did not leave a good taste in our mouths.

Best wishes,
Andrew

W: Andrew, I"ve heard of experiences like yours and have experienced them myself. What you experienced is not uncommon. I never said Russians were polite or courteous or well mannered or considerate. Yes, in the Moscow subway people do walk like that.

But if YOU make the effort of socializing with them, approaching them, esp. the girls, you will find a HUGE HUGE difference. Everyone talks to strangers there, and is comfortable with it. It's not considered inappropriate to stop a girl on the street and ask her out or tell her that you want to meet her. I've done it thousands of times there.

Russians are pessimists, and you have to laugh with them to make them laugh, or tease them to lighten them up. It's a certain communication style, and my communication style meshes well with theirs. It's hard to explain. You see, I have trouble with the fake plastic style of American greetings, it's just not me, but I feel comfortable being real around Russians.

Russians may not smile and wave hi to everyone, for they see it as pointless. But if you get to know them, they open up really fast. It's just a different style. It's hard to explain.

[007Gypsy]

Originally Posted by WWu777

W: Andrew, I"ve heard of experiences like yours and have experienced them myself. What you experienced is not uncommon. I never said Russians were polite or courteous or well mannered or considerate. Yes, in the Moscow subway people do walk like that.

But if YOU make the effort of socializing with them, approaching them, esp. the girls, you will find a HUGE HUGE difference. Everyone talks to strangers there, and is comfortable with it. It's not considered inappropriate to stop a girl on the street and ask her out or tell her that you want to meet her. I've done it thousands of times there.

Russians are pessimists, and you have to laugh with them to make them laugh, or tease them to lighten them up. It's a certain communication style, and my communication style meshes well with theirs. It's hard to explain. You see, I have trouble with the fake plastic style of American greetings, it's just not me, but I feel comfortable being real around Russians.

Russians may not smile and wave hi to everyone, for they see it as pointless. But if you get to know them, they open up really fast. It's just a different style. It's hard to explain.

Winston, I'm from New York and I don't consider New Yorkers "fake plastic style Americans." In general, they're straight forward and let you know how they feel in a heart beat. I didn't talk to most strangers because they were either weirdos or trying to get money from you. However, there have been times when a stranger tried striking a conversation, and after I felt at ease (with people around me, of course) I conversated as well. However, to stop a girl on the street and asking her to go out is downright ludicrous. No way on this earth would I ever go out with some stranger who asks me out. There is too many crazy people out there, and to trust some person you don't even know is asking for trouble. It's very similar to the way seriial killers find their victims. They're usually polite and somehow pesuades his victim in trusting him. Women are more vulnerable than men when it comes to crime. Let me ask you something. Do you have a daugther? If you do, would you feel comfortable if a stranger asks her out and she agrees to it?

[Keni Morgan]

So your opinion of us Americans seems to be a very negative one. If these are the type of people that you encountered on any of your visits to America then I have to wonder exactly where it was that you visited. The society that surrounds me is that of a loving, open minded, and giving people and we spend a good portion of our lives in trying to help one another and being friendly. I live in a small town. When the Hurricane Katrina Disaster occurred we did not know any of the victims personally but we opened up our community to them and provided housing and all of the neccessities they needed. We also gave them employment ooportunites. We Americans on the whole share the consensus that we are all here to take care of one another. Last week, as I drove downtown, I saw a lady riding a bicycle fall into the street. I did not know this lady nor did it matter that I did. I turned my vehicle around and did what I could to assist her, even though I myself am suffering from a broken leg.
Here is something that you probably do not know. We have a Russian ice hockey player living here in The United States who refuses to socialize with any of us here. We have reached out to him over and over in many ways and he still refuses to strike up any friendships, even with his teammates. How do you think we feel about the continued and repeated rejection that he is showing to us? I have personally gone as far as trying to learn a little Russian to be able to communicate with him and he seems to be indifferent. It gives one the feeling that he thinks that he is superior to any of us. How friendly would you view this type of personality? Maybe you need to find a different group of people when you are in America as it is the same no matter where you go. People simply have their own unique personalities and dispositions and that is not something that you can do anything about. Also have you been raised to have a negative conotation of Americans? This is a form of predjudice and racism also and maybe that is part of the problem as well.
As for me- I send my love and regards from the good old U.S. of A !!!!!

[CastleStormer]

Welcome to the forum Keni. Don't regard the postings of Winston. HE LIVES IN AMERICA!!! And yet he spends most of his Internet life posting about how bad our country is and how he can never get a woman.