(For English-speaking)

[santa_angel]

It has been known for many years that
sex is good exercise, but until
recently nobody had made a scientific
study of the caloric expenditure of
different sexual activities. Now after
original and proprietary research
they are proud to present the results.

REMOVING HER CLOTHES:
With her consent.......................12 Calories
Without her consent....................187 Calories

OPENING HER BRA:
With both hands........................8 Calories
With one hand..........................12 Calories
With your teeth........................85 Calories

PUTTING ON A CONDOM:
With an erection.......................6 Calories
Without an erection....................315 Calories

PRELIMINARIES:Trying to find the clitoris............ 8 Calories
Trying to find the G-Spot..............92 Calories

POSITIONS:
Missionary.............................12 Calories
69 lying down..........................78 Calories
69 standing up.........................112 Calories
Wheelbarrow............................216 Calories
Doggy Style............................326 Calories
Italian chandelier.....................912 Calories

ORGASMING:
Real...................................112 Calories
False..................................315 Calories

POST ORGASM:
Lying in bed hugging...................18 Calories
Getting up immediately.................36 Calories
Explaining why you got out of bed immediately......816 Calories

GETTING A SECOND ERECTION: If you are:
20-29 years old........................ 36 Calories
30-39 years............................ 80 Calories
40-49 years............................124 Calories
50-59 years............................972 Calories
60-69 years............................2916 Calories
70 and over.........................Results are still pending

DRESSING UP AFTERWARDS:
Calmly.................................32 Calories
In a hurry.............................98 Calories
With her father knocking at the door...1218 Calories
With your wife knocking at the door....3521 Calories

[old-reb]

The new preacher was a dead ringer for Conway Twitty.
One day he decided to visit some of the church members
who hadn't been to service lately. He went to the
first lady's house and knocked on the door. When she
answered the door, she said, "Conway Twitty!" "No
ma'am," he replied. "I'm your new pastor, and I just
stopped by to have a prayer with you." So she said
come right on in. He visited several more homes, and
everyone thought he was Conway Twitty. Then he came to
a widow woman's house on the end of the street. She
was taking a shower at the time, so she just wrapped a
towel around her and opened the door.
When she saw her caller, she threw up her hands -
which allowed the towel to fall to the floor.
"Oh my God!" she exclaimed."It's Conway Twitty!"
And he said, "Hello, Darlin!"

Gene