Herr Evil Overlord's Presidential Campaign!

[Lilly]

(toungue in cheek) Herr Evil Overlord.....

He has come to the conclusion that this nation is in dire need of honest government. Therefore he has decided to take over the country by running for President.
He will make no effort to conceal that he is going to rule the country with an iron fist. Given the past few decades, the American public should appreciate such honesty. LOL!!

His Campaign Platform:

Crime: Crime will be eliminated completely. Criminals will be executed on the spot.

Foreign trade: The goal of all foreign trade will be his personal enrichment. Therefore he will conquer any nation with a trade deficit with his empire, because he will take trade deficits as a personal affront. (See foreign relations)

Foreign relations: This will be the province of a Trusted Lieutenant, who will be instructed to do unto other nations before they do unto us, thus furthering his plan of total world domination. Once his conquest of Earth is complete, there should be no more need for foreign policy. Or the trusted lieutenant. No "tell all" books will be written by members of his administration.

Civil Rights: All his subjects will be treated equally...i.e., no one will have rights, civil or otherwise. As for racial relations and alternate lifestyle policies, that would probably fall under his Civil Rights policy. Everyone will be oppressed equally. And as a further note on alternate lifestyle, he will be lenient. The only alternate lifestyle that will not be tolerated will be any lifestyle that does not involve him as absolute ruler of the planet.

The War on Drugs: This program will be eliminated. He will offer drugs to anyone who wants them because no one will overthrow him if they are too stoned to move from the sofa.

The War on Terror: He will pretend that he is surrendering and will invite all terrorist leaders to a peace conference. Once they are seated at the table he will press a button which will drop them into the pool of alligators waiting below. He will continue this as needed, as anyone who would drive an airliner into a building obviously is not very intelligent to begin with and will come to the meeting every time.

Campaign Finance Reform: This problem will be eliminated by the expedient of eliminating future elections and appointing members of Congress to rubber stamp his edicts.

Gun Control: Of course, he will control the guns. He will pacify the NRA by offering them membership in his Legions of Terror, which allows them access to free guns, free ammo, free subscriptions to Playboy and Soldier of Fortune, and of course, a free daily 12 pack of Bud.

Immigration: This problem will be eliminated once the entire planet has been brought under his rule. There will be no need for immigrants to immigrate because every country will be the same...a dictatorship ruled by him.

Corporate scandals: Corporations will no longer go bankrupt because he will own them all and will staff them with competent managers. Any manager who fails to turn a profit will be fed to the alligators under his conference room.

Nuclear proliferation: Once the planet has been brought under his thumb there will be no need for nuclear arsenals and therefore he will be able to dismantle most of the nuclear warheads stockpiled around the world. Of course, he will keep a few on hand for emergencies...such as rebellions, blackmail, or dealing with incoming asteroids and the like.

Defense spending: There will be only one army...his. Therefore defense spending can be made far more efficient and the savings can be put to use by offering the world population free access to internet porn sites, which should help in making his subjects too content to rebel against him.

Energy policy: He will not consult with big oil executives. Since all the world's energy reserves will be his, he will appoint a trusted lieutenant to distribute resources fairly and at an reasonable cost. A drop of a dollar a gallon at the pump should eliminate any resistance to his iron rule.

Ethics: He will run an honest administration. Therefore he will not fool around with overweight interns and then try to hide the fact. He will instead keep a harem of beautiful slave supermodels and NFL cheerleaders and not make a secret about it. In addition, he will not meet with high powered executives and then try to hide the results of said meetings. He will make decisions for himself and then impose his will on the empire publicly.

Media relations: He will hold all press conferences in the conference room. The one with the piranha tank beneath. He will keep the trigger button on the podium as his answer to rude questions. He will also hire an image consultant, who will then interface with journalists and advise them to make his image look as good as possible, or else.

Remember, a vote for the Evil Overlord is a vote to end all the world's problems!


He firmly believes that complete and utter ruthlessness and draconian measures can be the answer to any problem.

and he will most certainly get the alligator/piranha vote. The scary thing is, there are far too many candidates for Evil Overlord who share his aims and methods. Keep swinging!T.

how very unusual. However, the danger of a feudalistic global empire is real, people are actively working towards it by their own admission. Their blueprint is H. G. Wells' "Open Conspiracy", and mad Madeline Albright, for one, is an admitted Wellsian. Dix is an example of the intellectually and morally degraded citizen that will help bring the conspiracy into full flower. War hysteria leads to war so horrible that the modern nation states are abolished in favor of a global tyrrany, Bertrand Russell was also a BIG advocate of it. Look it up!T.

you are playing a role as carefully scripted as that of the pilots of the aircraft on Sept. 11th, though you may stop at any time. A significant number of the "terrorists" listed on the FBI website as participants in the attacks are alive and angry in Saudi Arabia. Of course you will not allow this to interfere with your lust for revenge, just as the fact that not a shred of evidence links Saddam Hussein to the attacks will dissuade you. BAA,BAA,BAA.T.

"NUTJOB", COMRADE! Define for me this all-powerful "common sense" of which you think so highly! I would like also now to thank Comrade Lilly for initiating this provocative and (initially) amusing thread.T.

A definition, not "examples" illustrating your lack of knowledge about my candidate. To define my request more clearly and simultaneously provide an example for you to follow, assuming you have the abilityDEFINITION-n. the formal statement of the meaning or significance of a word, phrase, etc. Do you have a job, Dix? Such things usually require the ability to follow instructions, I am not sure you possess same.PEACE!T.

[Lilly]

Looks like the kid picking the banjo in Deliverance grew up!! LOL!