I need help with Russian customs.

[bherzig]

Hello Everybody,
I am searching for answer. I am American and I have worked with a Russian Girl called Mila for the last 4 years. We have always been on the best of terms. Actually I felt we were good friends. She has asked me alot of questions about American culture, and I have helped her understand why we do some things she did notunderstand.
Anyway we work for a small company, On Christmas I have always made the habit of giving all the girls a small gift,
even if there are 1 or 2 I would rather not give to, I still do. I do not leave anyone out.
Today I gave my usual. This year I gave all the girls a decorative bar of soap, that just are pretty and smell good, nice just to sit in your bathroom. Each person got a different color and design.
To make a long story shorter, about 10 minutes after I give
Mila her present, she called me over to her and told me that she was offended, and do not ever give her anything again,
or talk to her. Take it back. At first I thought she was joking, and then I realized that she was serious. I tried to ask her why she was offended, and explained to her that I would be offended if I did not get anything and everybody else did. Then I thought maybe she thought maybe I thought she was dirty,and I tried to explain to her that I liked her
and would never do anything too offend her. Was it the color or what? ( it was brown and beige with what looks like a setting sun in the back ground). Actually it was my favorite one out of all of them. She never gave me an answer. She just told me to take it and go. So I went back to my station and was proceeding to tell our friend. I said what I just wrote, and she said Mila just must have been offended and Our friend took the soap because she liked it. At that time Mila comes over there and threw her Xmas card that I had made for her on my table and walked off.
This has really upset me, because I do not understand. This is why I have found this Forum, so that if any of you read this, then maybe you can tell me what I did wrong. Also I could understand if I gave her soap and no one else. But this was not the case.
I hope to hear from someone, so I can straighten out this problem. Thanks Barbara

[The_Edge]

I think its probally because she took it as an insult that she was dirty. What was it shaped like, or was it just a regular shaped bar of soap?

------------------
The strength of the Wolf is the Pack, the strength of the Pack is the Wolf

[bherzig]

Thanks for your reply,

It was shaped like a regular bar of soap, and 9 other people got the same shaped, size bar. Although each one had a differant design.

After having 4 days now to stew over this one, I have come to the conclusion that nobody ever taught her manners. I am just figuring she did not like the color.

Tomorrow I go back to work, and I am sure my boss will get to the bottom of this. He told me to let it go intil Tomorrow since we were having a Christmas party.

The fact is that what ever the problem was with it, she should have at least had the
manners to tell me what the problem with it was. {Or someone that tried to talk to her....) No matter what, it was a poor case of No Manners....

[Lilly]

Perhaps she felt that she should have reciprocated and felt awkward for not doing so.

I also know that in Russia giving personal items like that is not a custom in the workplace. Customs in the West are vastly
different.

(I am still chuckling about the "what was it shaped like." Typical of a man to say that! Phallic symbols on their minds)~smile~

LillyNomad

[bherzig]

If she was embarrassed because she should have reciprocated and felt awkward for not doing so, is that any reason to say "never talk to me again".....

I have given her a token the last 4 years now,and she has never reciprocated, but I do not expect it. I just do this because I enjoy doing it. She should have known by now that I do this every year.

It was just a bar shaped soap beige with like brown grass and brown sun, and also it was kind of a see thru. Kind of clear.

By the way my boss liked it and took it home.

I guess I will let you know whenb I get to the bottom of this, (if I do) what the problem was.

[Lilly]

Then she is a B!TCH, and to heck with her!
I would have told her that straight up, and stopped wondering or running after her.

You are too nice a person to let things like this get to you. It is her loss and she will be a lonely person if she carries a chip on her shoulder.

Sounds like she is on Edge all the time.

Honey, the important thing is that you do not change. Maintain that sweet kind person you are and you will be rewarded.

Have a nice day, and Happy New Year!

LillyNomad
(still chuckling about the shape...)

[This message has been edited by Lilly (edited 27 December 1999).]

[bherzig]

You are so right, but when you work in small company like I do you try to get along with everybody. I could honestly say that there were at least 3 people that if I were being a ***** then I would have omitted them, and Mila was not one of them. But I never wanted to show favoritism, as I know that can cause
a big problem. So much for my theory. Like my husband said, just forget about giving gifts to anyone after this. Dammit, why should one person be the reason I should not give one if I want to. Anyway, thanks for all of your great insights on this problem.