PRESIDENT PUTIN'S BIRTHDAY!!!

[HATALbR]

Castlestormer:

Are you disgruntled that I never travelled to russia with you?

You outward disrespect for President Putin...exactly why I would be frightened to accompany you anywhere [especially in russia].

Natalie

[carter]

Putin sucks. He's a worthless overlord to Oligarchs, phuck him and phuck his birthday. I'm going to punch him in his enlarged goiter when I see him on the street. Ha!

[carter]

Hiiiiyaaaaaa! Down goes Putin choking on his goiter. And when he's gasping for precious oxygen, kapow!, a kick to the ribs with a reminder, that's for Edichka-baby!

[carter]

Maybe I'd reach down and rip out Putin's thyroid and put it in my pocket. I might feed it to a cat, or maybe I'd put it in a jar and then put a label on it that read "Destruction is Creation!" Yeah, that's what I'd do.

[carter]

Then again, if I'm going to rip Putin's thyroid out, I might as well reach in there and rip his entire brain stem out too. Sure, that'll fit in my other pocket.

Hmmm, I'd hate to waste his tonslls. What to do?

[carter]

If I ripped his tonsils out, then fed his tonsils to a cat, then shoved the cat down his throat so the cat's head was sticking out the gaping hole in Putin's throat, well then, that'd do it.

The cat would eventually shyte Putin's tonsils into Putin's stomach.

Come to think of it, I could feed the cat lots of things - ears, fingers, eyes, every extension of the torso.

Hmm, if I did all this before I ripped Putin's brain stem out, then, then a cat could eat Putin alive!

Yes, I must wait till the cat has eaten Putin's vitals and shyte Putin down Putin's own throat before I rip his brain stem out.

I think I just might have what the call "a well thought out plan of execution."

[carter]

No, wait, I'd have to shove the cat through Putin's mouth, then pull the feline's tail through the gaping hole in Putin's neck where his adams apple used to be. This would allow Putin to breath. I could then staple the cat's tail to the point of Putin's chin. The tension of the tail to his chin would be Pavlovian. If Putin tried close his jowls on my cat's head, he would be pulling the cat's tail. The cat would respod by clawing the wound where Putin's tonsils once dangled.

So there you have it. The cat's head would fill Putin's oral orifice, sticking out ever so slightly, and I'd feed the cat Putin's tonsils, tongue, fingers, et al.., through Putin's Pavlovian ajar-trained mouth. The cat would have to be upside down so that its tail could be pulled out of the tracheyotomized gash in Putin's throat in an effort to keep a clear path for oxygen into Putin's lungs and, just as importantly, for my cat to crap Putin back into Putin's stomach.

Purrrrfect.